I thought I’d write a little bit about my frustration of the week: the Message in a Bottle project.
Now, MIB was not the first mail art project I’ve organized. I’ve been playing cruise director for all sorts of mail art whimsies for going on ten years now. Most projects have their ups and downs, but very few make me throw my hands up in disgust, or make me wish I hadn’t started them in the first place.
This one is sort of heading in the hands up, wishing I was elsewhere direction. I’ve fielded more stupid, whiny, and generally inappropriate messages about this project than I have for anything I’ve done in quite a long while. My favorite is the person who signed up, and whose sign-up message has clearly been read by me, and had the personal information recorded and removed before being posted to the site. She has subsequently signed up again twice, saying she doesn’t see her sign-up, even though it’s right there, above the form she’s using to sign up again, and she hasn’t received a bottle yet, so please add her address to the list again. Then she sent me a birthday card with the same request, and a little note saying she hoped she’d be getting her bottle soon.
(That sound you just heard was my head, exploding.)
These are the things that drive project hosts right over the edge, back into their studios, never to play with others again. I’ve given a lot of thought this week to why good projects go bad. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
Exhibit #1: People Don’t Read
I’ve known this to be true for quite a long time: people don’t read. If I write out instructions, no matter how short, long, specific, general, they will be ignored by 50% of the people who express interest in whatever I’ve posted. This manifests itself in all sorts of ways:
- People leave comments on posts asking questions that are answered at length in the post. This has become so common that I actually reply to them with my own comment, telling them I caught them not reading before posting. While this makes me feel a little better, it does nothing to stem the tide of comments asking things that are already answered. They often reply in a way that says they think it’s funny that they didn’t read before posting.
- People sign up for projects doing things I specifically ask them not to. Conversely, if I ask for a specific piece of information in the sign-up process, they will not provide it. Now, maybe it’s just me, but if I signed up for a project, and the very first thing the hostess sees about me is that I cannot read and follow directions, I’d expect that she’d kick my application right back to me, and tell me to hit the road. I mean, does any self-respecting project organizer go looking for people who can’t follow directions?
Exhibit #2: People Think Instructions Don’t Apply to Them
If I say to post here and nowhere else to sign up, 10% of the people who come by will post everywhere BUT here. When I call them on it with my usual “I caught you not reading the instructions”, they will invariably give some excuse that begins “I know you said that, but…”.
My favorite example of this was the person who signed up for MIB, scrolling past 86 other sign-up comments that clearly showed the folks had left their personal information for me, and that I had captured that information and removed it from public view BEFORE sending it through to the live site. Did she read the instructions, see what others had done successfully, and follow? Nope. She started by submitting two test comments without her personal information, and then sent one that said that she just wanted to be sure that I really wasn’t going to display it. Seriously? I said in the instructions that your personal information will not appear on the site, and removed it for 86 people before you, but you still need to test it? Twice?
Runners up are the people from Sweden and Puerto Rico and wherever else in the world who continue to submit their addresses, despite the fact that I’ve stated in the instructions that the project is open to folks in the US only, saying “I know you said only the United States, but…”. Unless Sweden and Puerto Rico and all those other places have become states overnight, there’s no successful way to end that sentence.
Exhibit #3: People Don’t Think Before They Act
I have a little calendar hanging beside my computer, so that whenever I see a project I’d like to do, I can check it first, and see if I really have time. I can only do two or three per month, so if I’ve reached my limit, I have to pass, no matter how interesting it sounds. Obviously, I’m some sort of over-organized freak, because I’ve had way too many people sign up, and then come back three days later, AFTER I’ve already included their address in a bottle, and say they’ve changed their minds, so please remove them from the list. Which is impossible, because once the mail goes out, there’s no way to stop it.
I really just hope none of these folks take up skydiving…
Exhibit #4: People Think Everything is All About Them
Me, me, me. Where’s MY bottle? Why did SHE get one before ME? I don’t see MY name on the sent list, so here’s my address again. Three more times. Because seriously, this project is all about ME.
My mother used to call this the Viva Yo syndrome. Hooray for me, and to heck with all the rest of you. That just doesn’t work in collaborative projects. Trust me. I know this all too well, because the first 10 years of my professional life were spent in a completely collaborative art. Good projects go bust because one person decides she’s the center of the universe, and all must revolve around her.
In my world, any project is about the project, and not about any one individual. When I come up with a project idea, I try very hard to be specific about how it works when everyone does her part. Sometimes, I’m so specific it makes my teeth hurt.
In the case of MIB, I wrote very clearly that upon receiving an address, I’d either send a bottle, or include that address in an outgoing bottle. If you read the instructions on sending and receiving bottles, you’ll see that for every bottle that goes out, four addresses are used—one on the outside of the bottle, and three more inside. So, the odds are 1 in 4 you’ll get a bottle from me a week after you submit your address. It’s not some big conspiracy. It’s simple math that’s adequately explained in the project documentation.
Oh, wait—that would mean actually reading the project documentation. See Exhibit #1…
Just to prove it’s true that people don’t read, when commenting, please copy and paste these words into the form below to show that you’ve read the whole article:
I came, I saw, I read.
September 21, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
All of the things that frustrated you about the message in a bottle project are achingly familiar to me as a high school teacher. I have come to a generally calm acceptance of adolescent behavior because I know it is biologically true that their forebrains haven’t developed fully and they’re not really capable of making rational decisions. Instead, they are still sort of hard-wired to make craptastic decisions and then not understand why the adults around them seem tense a majority of the time.
None of this explains why adults reading your websites would act in the same way.
September 21, 2008
I didn’t sign up for your MIB, instead I offered a bottle filled with collage goodies on another list for one sending only - received a reply and sent it off immediately - I did it, it’s gone and I did receive a nice thank you for it. Sorry you are disgusted but thanks for the cool idea!
September 21, 2008
Hey Lisa - It really makes me sad when a few ADULTS make it bad for others. This was such a fun project! My very first mail-in project. For those of us who did read and follow instructions we thank you SO MUCH for organizing this. It is SO MUCH FUN receiving something in the mail besides a bill! ;=) I understand why you need a break but remember those of us who appreciate you! *hugs* Theresa
September 21, 2008
I came. I saw. I read.
I also LOL’d when I read several of the posts above me, though. It never ends. …
Sorry this was such a bummer.
September 21, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
I can so sympathize! I’ve hosted a couple of times on Swap-Bot, and every once in a while, I end up running a swap that just doesn’t feel worth it. But when you get everyone on the same page (sometimes despite themselves), it can be so much fun. Good luck with future projects!
September 21, 2008
The line about skydiving made me splatter my monitor with Diet Pepsi, but it was worth it! I think that line might’ve surpassed my sincere adoration of your “I Touch Myself” Poe-scard, but it’s close! I came, I saw, I read. And I feel your pain.
September 21, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
It really is too bad that there are so many illiterate people out there that cant read. Especially when it spoils the fun for 86 other well intentioned people. I thought this was a a very interesting project and wished to join but alas, my plate is overflowing at present. so sad to hear how this has not worked well…..
p.s. I also LOL’d about the previous posts! shaking my head and saying ‘It figures’.
September 21, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
6 out of 8…that’s 75%, right? Better than I thought it would be, but how do you do it? WHY do you do it? I’m just glad you do ’cause I’m having a good time! Thanks for all the great ideas and fun!
September 21, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
LOL… I’m not even in your swap (I’m not in the States; I knew not to apply!), and I actually read the whole article and could follow directions. Too funny- you proved your point in the first 3 comments!! Best of luck with this swap!
September 21, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
Good article that explains why I rarely do collaborative art anymore. What put me over the edge was people who didn’t follow through after receiving and keeping artwork from me.
September 21, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
Lisa, amen and jebuz. I’m always so happy to see you truthfully bitching about people who WON’T read directions NOT because I find it humorous, but because thank the gods that someone understands IT’S PAINFUL TO THE REST OF US WHEN YOU SPREAD YOUR IGNORANCE AROUND. Recently I participated in a discussion about swap rules and why people can’t follow directions THAT ARE SPECIFIC, TO THE POINT AND EMPHASIZED MORE THAN ONCE. It ended up with half the group crying that they should be able to do things the way they want (WAAAHHHH POOR ME I’M AN IDIOT) and sending ‘warm fuzzies’ to eaxh other for having to deal with the Big Bad Mean Girls Who Want to Make Them Follow Rules. Those of us who were just begging for some sanity and rational thought were chastized for being honest and rejecting platitudes and were left with the hollow realization that you can’t convince people to think better, they just group together and coddle each other until you go away. Sometimes I wish there was an IQ test required to…well, be alive, I guess.
I appreciate your brain.
September 21, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
Sorry to hear a great project you organized for FREE for anyone in the US who wanted to participate caused you so much grief. I think most of all, it is the Royal Princess Principal–ME ME ME , the rules don’t apply to me. Unfortunately, I have seen alot of cases where whining and complaining have gotten people the attention and whatever else they have wanted.
September 21, 2008
Oh, man, you have more patience than I would have had. As a Canadian I knew, of course, not to apply.
Having been in a couple of similar swaps (potato chip cans) and, at one time, I did envie (ephemera) swaps, I know it can be fun. Sorry this has gotten to you. But some people only read what they want, not what they should.
I don’t know how many swaps I’ve been in where the person/s haven’t read the whole swap instructions and when they find out their swap partner is a Canadian and it is going to cost them a few cents more for shipping they just don’t bother or they say that it came back (supposedly because they didn’t read the instructions telling them that Canada is not an American State and shipping will be extra) and they will send it back out when they get around to it which never happens.
I mean, how do these people ever find the right bathroom or when driving end up where they want to go? Directions are instructions. Hmmm. I’ll have to think about that.
Hang in there. Just listen to the waves. Be calm, the shushing of the waves, go with it.
September 21, 2008
I came, I saw, I read, I wept. As a teacher, I can feel your pain. Don’t give up on all of us though. I look forward to your weekly missive and would be sad if it were no longer. Whomever you don’t like- delete ‘em!
September 21, 2008
Oh, Lisa…I’m so sorry this is turning out to be a bummer. And, boy am I glad I read the instructions! I’ve received one bottle (it was so much fun to receive!) and sent out two (even more fun to fill — although it’s challenging!). I’ve got more empties ready and waiting for the time new ones arrive (I don’t mind waiting ’cause I love surprises). It’s a great swap and I’m personally enjoying the heck out of it. I hope those illiterate lunatics get their act together soon!
September 22, 2008
I came, I saw, I read. I laughed. I empathized. I shook my head. I laughed again. thanks for all you do Lisa, it really is appreciated.
Helen
September 22, 2008
I came, I saw, I read
Yes, I must admit, I was one who begged out a few days after I had signed up. After 18 years of marriage, my husband and I decided to call it quits and I knew i would be in the middle of legalese, packing and looking for a home to purchase. Having owned a paper arts store for over 9 years, I am well aware of the frustrations in organizing swaps, projects, retreats, classes, etc. and having people who cause one to pull their hair out because they don’t read or don’t think the rules are for them. Fortunately, those people are few and I refused to let a few ruin it for me. As one of my employees told me, “Don’t worry about something you can wash off in the sink”..I never really knew what it meant but the gist was that these were little things in the whole wonderful adventure of life.
At any rate, I apologize for becoming one of those people this time and please feel free to wash me off in the sink!
September 22, 2008
I came, I saw, I read. (I laughed ’til I cried.)
After reading your frustrations, I was almost afraid to try to sign up . But, I did - I read the instructions - then, I re-read them, again, one more time, and just once more. I couldn’t figure out what the problem was. So I did what I understood the instructions to be — and voila — there I am. The last person accepted on Sept. 17.
Thanks for all your hard work - for all you do to promote art - and even for your ability to deal with those of us who can’t/won’t/don’t READ.
Joan
September 22, 2008
I’ve been reading and being inspired by you at your different sites for quite a while. I’m always surprised when you offer a new collaborative venture, because I know that you get really annoyed by people who don’t read directions and follow through on their commitments. Thanks for continuing to bring the fun. As you alluded to with your skydiving comment, natural selection will probably take care of a lot of the people who are causing your head to explode.
September 22, 2008
For those who are keeping track, it’s 5 out of 19 so far…
September 22, 2008
I came, I saw, I read. Wish I was living in the USA so that I could have taken part.
September 22, 2008
I came, I saw, I read
Lisa , I am so, so sorry. After reading this post I saw the matchbox swap. I wrote my name to do the swap and…………….did read to late it was only for America. So, keep your arms to the sky because…….I live in the Netherlands.I am very ashamed for making this stupid mistake.
It wil not happen again.
Kaat .
September 22, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
I’ll want to refer others to this post for years to come, I’m sure. Thank you, thank you for saying things that needed to be said and doing so with humor. I wish Cindy was right - that natural selection would take care of things, but it appears to be wiping out the rest of us, instead.
September 22, 2008
i came i saw i read
thanks for the update Lisa and I hope you continue to be the artful person you inspire everyone else to be.
September 22, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
Thank you very much for this article!
May I link this? Most of the people nowadays can’t read! I’m working in a library and I can tell you, even there most people can’t read!
All the best!
Monika
September 22, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
Ahhhh, I understand your frustration.
Best of luck with your future projects, Lisa.
September 22, 2008
I came, I saw, I read. I laughed. I groaned. I sympathize.
September 22, 2008
To everyone who has asked if they can link:
Yes, of course—but do be aware that the people who actually take the time to read this article probably don’t need it, and the ones who really need it won’t read it.
*sigh*
September 22, 2008
I came, I saw, I read. And I also laughed. Great post!
September 22, 2008
I came, I saw, I read. Every word.
You really are a masochist, aren’t you? And people are incredibly stupid. I cannot believe the test messages and the “I haven’t got my bottle yet.” I signed up weeks ago and am still patiently waiting…because I READ how it works. Geeze Louise.
Love your last comment: people who actually take the time to read this article probably don’t need it, and the ones who really need it won’t read it.
Hang in there. Hopefully some of this pain will be worth it.
P.S. Are you sure you’ll keep my email secret? I might need to send some test messages with fake emails first. Even though I don’t see anybody else’s mail displayed. Just to be safe. LOL.
September 22, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
And as one of those that signed up for the swap living in Sweden, I clearly did not read the other information that said domestic U.S only… ( head hanging in shame). Hope fully there is another bone head here besides me, but as a low threshold for ignorance American…I can empathize with you, totally!
September 22, 2008
I came * I saw * I read. Having hosted several swaps, you are preachin’ to the choir. Just be grateful you have your abilities to organize and pray to God for patience to deal with the nitwits. ;~D
September 22, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
Then I read it again.
Lisa, I feel your pain. But you gotta admit, there are probably more of us who do follow instructions and read what your write. I’m sure that those of us that do, have followed your last instructions.
I came, I saw, I read. Again. Hang in there!
September 23, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
I laughed. I cried. And I shook my head, because unfortunately, this kind of attitude doesn’t just apply to swaps. I work in a corporate office and see this behavior all the time at work, too. Amazing how folks forget the basic rule of reading the directions before acting, huh?
Hang in there, Lisa. There are still enough of us out here who appreciate you and actually do read the directions to (hopefully) make up for the others.
September 23, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
And laughed, in sympathy. Lisa, you are a star, while these stalker trolls are just pathetic. I have a couple of my own, and some days they seriously get me down.
September 23, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
Hey Lisa, I didn’t sign up because I’m in the uK, and while the project sounds cool I’m perfectly happy with watching it from the sidelines, as organising anything internationally is a pain, and sending bottles internationally would get costly!
Sorry this got you down, and glad you feel chirpier now!
Thanks for doing what you do, and giving me the confidence to make art in the tiny ways I do!
September 23, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
The instructions to join in this journey seemed quite straight forward to me. I’m waiting patiently for a bottle to arrive in the mail. As you said, “It will get here when it gets here.” And I will wait patiently till that day arrives.
I feel your pain, Lisa! You handle the idiots with grace though and you make us shake our heads at how stupid some folks can be!
Keep up the good work! You are appreciated for all the great ideas you share with the masses. Hard jobs are included with that I’m sure. Dealing with idiots is just one of them you could do without!
September 23, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
Thank you for sharing and teaching, Lisa.
September 24, 2008
Man, you are a bitch. And no, I won’t be copy and pasting your self-serving phrase. If you hate people why bother with swaps. Or blogging. Or anything, really. Oh yeah, ’cause you are a narcissist trying to make it all bout you.
September 24, 2008
Donna, I don’t hate people—but for you, I might make an exception…
Don’t let the door hit you in the butt on your way out.
September 24, 2008
I came, I saw, I read. I laughed. I related totally.
Then I shook my head at the rude comments Donna left you, because they so clearly illustrate just how stupid people can be.
Thank you Lisa, for years and years of giving away so much of your knowledge, and for putting up with people like that.
September 24, 2008
I came, I saw, I read. I followed Directions. Virtue is it’s own reward.
Thanks jB
September 26, 2008
I came, I saw, I read…
I’m sorry a few can ruin it for so many. I was so excited to be able to particapate in my first Mail Art project. I’ve received my first bottle and have my two ready to send. I appreciate all you do. I love your articles and your sense of humor. Thanks, Caprice
September 26, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
I assume Donna may have been one of the illiterate and/or ungrateful non-contributors. When you make a faux pas, apologize, take your lumps and move on. That’s what grown-ups do. (I humbly had to do that myself). What grown-ups don’t do is to respond to their knee jerk reactions and spew out hate, directing it towards others instead of owning their own stuff.
It may be hard to understand Lisa’s frustration if you have never organized mail art projects, and the like yourself, but acting out as Donna did only made her look out of control and immature.
Usually, when we judge others,we are soon taught a huge lesson that humbles us. I wish Donna well and hope that one day she gains insight and maturity and gives Lisa the apology she eserves.
September 27, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
I agree, and I think you are absolutely entitled to hold your ground! There are far too many women out there who need to have their hands held, which is rediculous. If you want to participate, then read the directions. It is not rocket science. I hope this will still be a successful swap regardless of the spoilers. What you do for all of us, FREE OF CHARGE I might add, is fabulous, and should be appreciated. I THANK YOU!
Letha
September 28, 2008
I came, I saw, I read….I smiled, I laughed, I cryed!!!!
I am sooo upset with Donna…did she just want to make herself look bad? I don’t think an apololgy would cut it with me, If she is forgiven than you are a much better person than I am.
I have never organized a swap and am pretty sure that I will stay a follower, not a leader, for ever. It is way to overwhelming for me.
I am an archivist in a college library and have been there and done that as far as people following directions is concerned.
Each year we send three copies of the Advanced Students Master’s degree thesis’ out to the bindery. We send each student a copy of unbelievably simple “instructions” the easiest being. SEND 3 (three) originals to the archives. One for the archives, one for the circulating department and one for YOU. Sounds easy? At least 3 people (sometiems more) send only 1 or 2. Why? “I thought it was just for ME!!!” or “3 did you want 3? why?” Or I love this one…”I never received any instructions.” But somehow they got the 1 or 2 copies to us. Hummmmm.
The next instruction is sorta easy to understand…
Please send 1 (one) copy on 100% cotton, archival paper(available at Saples)…this is for the ARCHIVES. It is important that we have a copy on archival paper to be sure that it lasts 50 or so years.
If you do not send it on archival paper it will be returned and not be able to go out to the bindery until the next month.
This year out of 67 papers we had 14 people who did not give us archival paper, and then came back the next month asking where their book was. Argggggg.
Now we bind three very nice hard copies in a beautiful red with gold lettering and patterned pretty inside paper. I pick out a different inside for each year. They get this for free and all they have to do it follow the directions.
Oh, well…Now Lisa I read your instructions and I am sure that you did ask for comments but you did not mention that we couldn’t rant. Sorry about ranting. But maybe it will make you smile a little and not give up on us. We really do love you and I think most of us try not to make it any harder on you then it already is.
xo, Dayle
September 28, 2008
Oh, Dayle.
Usually, I don’t pass rants through, because my feeling is that if you have a whole lot to say, you should say it on your own blog—but on this particular article, I’m making an exception, because some people have a lot to say.
I also generally don’t pass mean, nasty comments through, either, but after a recent experience with a cyberstalker who insisted on posting comments here, I’m thinking that I should approve them sometimes—because there’s a whole lot going on behind the scenes here that might not if people were held accountable for their comments.
As for Donna, well, what can I say? She’s not the first person who called me a bitch for writing something that hit a little too close to home, and she probably won’t be the last.
That won’t stop me from writing whatever I think on my own site, for which I pay the bills, and which is certainly not the only site on the Internet. If you don’t like what you read here, well, as I said, don’t let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.
September 29, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
You rock! I am continualy amazed by others’ stupidity. It happens everywhere! i even put phrases like yours in long boring minutes from meetings just to see if anyone notices.
I haven’t even signed up for the project yet - why? Because I hadn’t had time to read all the instructions yet and didn’t want to screw it up! Har! So I will do so now and sign up.
Thanks for everything you do!
trish
September 29, 2008
Thanks Lisa,
I will try not to rant again.
Girl, you write what ever you want.
You have every right!
September 30, 2008
Lisa,
I came, I saw, I read. I am awed by your talent, your generosity, your ability to teach and make things so clear. I am so often intrigued by descriptions of swaps etc and think about signing up but then remember how overwhelming my life is right now with a fulltime nightshift job, babysitting my infant grandson 3 days a week, taking care of a sick parent etc. So I settle for reading your weekly newsletter, reading the blog, working on a few pieces of my own when time allows. I realize how unfair it is to others when you cannot honor your obligations. The BS you have to put up with just boggles the mind. And Donna, if you’re out there (and we know you are) why don’t you shxx and fall back in it? I cannot believe you would post such an inappropriate response to someone who gives so much of herself, FOR FREE, and who teaches us so much. Sister, you need to get over yourself. Lisa, you rock. Don’t give up on us all, not that anyone would blame you. The majority of us think you’re the best!!!!
Michele
September 30, 2008
I came, I saw, I read.
lol on alot of these comments. I have to admit, I’m in the MIB group - I read prior to signing up, I read again after I recieved a bottle. I re-read again (not once, but 3 times) prior to sending bottles out and still goofed when asking you a question about it the other day. My appologies, Lisa - I often over-analyze &/or over-complicate things in my mind, thereby confusing myself. Go figure…
But, since I’m here, I will also admit I feel like a stalker because I’ve been checking all your sites out so often lately. Not trying to stalk - just enjoy exploring everything & am afraid I’ll miss out on something cool. Thanks for all you do!
October 01, 2008
@Jen: don’t worry, you’re not stalking me—you’re using the sites I’ve built, just the way you should.
Stalking is when you hammer those sites and my email address with big, long, War and Peace rants about what a horrible person I am—which generally say much more about the sender than they do about me.
October 08, 2008
I came, I saw, I read
I cringed when I saw what Donna wrote - my name is Donna and I don’t think I’d ever be that rude! LOL Glad this is working out for you, Lisa - it’s a fun and generous thing you are doing!